Growing Sibling Love
Introducing a New Baby to Your Only Child
by Jill Diana Chasse
mentor at the Wise Woman University
The relationship between your first born and a new baby can be healthy and strong when given the attention and consideration it deserves. Like any other relationship it needs awareness, love and work.
Introducing a new brother or sister begins while the baby is still in the womb. Your child will soon notice your belly getting bigger, and starting early will help with easing the transition of adding a baby to the family. Even at 2 a child is capable of understanding that mom is growing a baby. My 23 month old consistently points to my growing belly and tells people “baby inside.” He enjoys kissing and hugging my belly as well as talking lovingly to his sister or brother.
Allow your child to interact with the growing baby. “Hungry, baby?” my son asked my belly while I was eating dinner the other day. He also loves to point out the hockey game, although he knows the little one can’t see it yet. Share pregnancy books and prenatal development pictures with your child so she can see the baby growing. It is easier for a child to visualize a baby in your belly when she can see a picture of what the fetus looks like.
Flip through the pages so your older child can see the baby growing as your belly grows. Explain what the baby is capable of and allow your older child to “play” with the womb baby. This not only encourages bonding and reduces the risk of jealousy, but also stimulates the developing brain of the baby in your womb.
There may be a bit of jealously poking in at various times, but it’s okay. Don’t push the relationship. Let your first born be independent enough to choose activities and times that he wants to be involved with the new baby. Reading children books such as “Big Like Me” by Anna Grossnickle Hines, “Baby on the Way” by Martha Sears, or “Everybody Has a Bellybutton” by Clare Wood will help your older child gain a healthy toddler/preschooler perspective on welcoming a new baby into the family.
Womb Game
Flashlight tag: explain to your older child that the baby can see the warm red glow of the flashlight against your belly. Hold the light under your hand, against your palm, so the older child will see what the baby sees. Next, allow your child to run the light slowly against your belly. When there is a response from the womb baby, put the light near the movement then move it away again slowly. If the baby inside is kicking or punching, allow your older child to feel the movement.
Special Time- having one-on-one time with your older child is essential. Pick a special activity such as reading time in the evening, a trip to the pool or the park, even a chore such as grocery shopping. I have a friend who began to take her son to library story-time when she was pregnant with his little sister. He still looks forward to it today, almost 3 years later. Keep this activity special for just the two of you for as long as you both enjoy it.
Another special bonding activity with your older child that often helps to ease the transition of the introduction of a baby is sharing baby pictures and newborn memories. Pull out pictures of when you were pregnant with your firstborn. Show her sonogram pictures and her tiny booties you’ve saved. This will also help her understand how babies start tiny but will soon grow and they will be able to play together.
When talking about the new baby, use language that includes the older child such as “our baby” and “your little sister or brother.” Give your child ways to help in preparation. My son, for example, loves to rub cocoa butter on my belly. As the baby in the womb gets larger and more active, this is also a great way for your older child to feel her moving which helps her become more tangible and “real” for the big brother or sister.
Helping to pick out newborn clothes, line up stuffed animals in the nursery, and even pick out what “baby” toys he wants to “pass down” are great ways to empower your older child and let his individuality shine.
Remember to play through scenarios of how baby will change your older child’s schedule.Tell you child that the new baby will sleep a lot during the day but may be up at night. Explain that you will be holding baby a lot and helping him eat (by nursing or with a bottle). If you plan to use a bottle, you can let your older child practice feeding a doll or stuffed animal. Allowing your firstborn to help with the baby also dissipates much of the jealously created from all the attention a new baby requires.
Most of all, you’ll want to express that you are all growing together as a family. The baby is a joy for both the parents and the older sibling. You’re all in this together as a team and it is important to present it that way. When your older child is excited about the new addition, he will have less reason to be threatened and more to look forward to.
Enjoy your older child, enjoy your new baby and enjoy your family.
by Jill Diana Chasse
Baby Magic for Your Magic
Baby
by Jill Diana Chasse
Baby
Magic is a Spiritual Guide to Motherhood.
Begining before conception, Baby Magic guides
a woman on her magical journey of becoming
a mother. Including relaxations, eating
tips, and exercises, Baby Magic teaches
a woman how to prepare for and welcome her
child with a healthy and brain stimulating
environment.
Paperback, 89 pages, publisher--Magic
of Motherhood. $14.95 Price includes shipping
cost.
Order this
book from our Bookshop
"I'd recommend it to any women who
has even thought about becoming a mother!"
- Rosa Durrante, midwife
Online Courses with Jill Diana Chasse
ONLINE COURSES
Perinatal Mood Issues
Manage pregnancy and postpartum emotional challenges including baby blues and PPD symptoms to help reduce the risk of depression and keep yourself and your baby mentally and emotionally strong.
Teacher: Jill Diana Chasse
Prebirth Bonding
Learn exercises and meditations to encourage communication with your baby in the womb, optimizing mental and sensory development as well as promoting the special bond between baby and parent.
Teacher: Jill Diana Chasse
Magic of Motherhood Birthing Education
A Complimentary Natural Childbirth method for use with or without medications, at home, birth center, or in a hospital. Learn to “Experience, Understand and Enjoy” your labor & delivery through emotional support, empowering yourself and your baby.
Teacher: Jill Diana Chasse
Relaxations and Visualizations for Birth
Relaxations and visualizations involve hypnotherapy/ autosuggestion for relaxation, anti-stress/anti-pain, and self-esteem, as well as communication with the unborn baby and stimulating a mystical and spiritual energy level.
Teacher: Jill Diana Chasse
About the Mentor, Jill Chasse
Jill Chasse, PhD is a counselor certified in "Handling Loss and Grief " and "Understanding Depression." She has additional training in postpartum depression, maternal mental health, and post traumatic stress disorder. She is a member of the APA and certified by IACT. She also holds an MS in family and developmental psychology and a certification in "Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders."
